Lad's Night Out

  This year I welcomed in the beginning of the festive season whilst out and about in Sevilla with a group of men I have the pleasure of being able to call my friends. I've been on plenty of lad's nights in my time so it wasn't a big novelty. I remember one Girl's Night Out back home in Liverpool that led to the male counterparts of our group feeling the need to throw their own night out. It turned into a competition to see which gender could enjoy themselves the most. I recall it being called Cheeky Cheeky Night and each team had its own uniform, such as was the eventual big deal nature of the thing. That was a spectacular night... but I am digressing, back to the evening just gone.
  I don't drink alcohol. It's a fairly new thing, 6 weeks today in fact and I've found that my nights have significantly changed since I gave up intoxicating myself. Emphasis on the toxic; for me drink is simply toxic. I go from being a level headed young woman with a sensible head on my shoulders to a clown in about 4 vodkas. I wake up in the morning with no idea what I've been doing the night before but there are often vague recollections of truly cringe worthy conversations and every now and again things can go too far and have a domino effect on the sober moments which follow. In the end I decided that enough was enough and I stopped drinking entirely. Alcohol also makes me very depressed and given that this is a feeling which I am prone to really quite naturally it is ridiculous for me to exacerbate the problem. So I entered the world of the sober woman's night out 6 weeks ago and so far I really do like it. My head is clear, my clothes fit better and I have a lot more money. I choose to spend the extra money on a fairly expensive gym membership because it has become my new way to relieve the stress brought about by living a normal yet very lovely life in a very lovely country. It was most pleasant to enjoy a night out with friends in a totally sober state. I have woken up able to giggle about the events which passed, had I been drinking I would no doubt have become Ronalda McDonalda the Clown and been banned from future events. Giving up drinking has been life changing and I can't recommend it to myself strongly enough. Once you get past the initial 'I'm sober and you're not' feeling you learn to accept that being sober is pretty much always better than being drunk. The drinking culture in Britain and Ireland is a strong one and I don't want to dismiss it as being stupid because it's not. I have had some of the happiest moments of my life sitting in lovely pubs and bars with friends whilst we put the world to rights. I've just had to start relying on myself to do the talking because when I let the alcohol do it for me the happy moment is a lot more likely to turn disastrous.
 Now for some reflection, I always like reflection on December 1st. Six years ago, I was standing in front of the Christmas Tree that the businesses in my town provide the lights for, sharing a kiss with the man who was to become my boyfriend for the next two and a half years. It was the second kiss, the first had just taken place in a basement bar, so there we have it six years ago today I was a 20 year old with a couple of mental years coming up. The roses in the garden of myself and said boyfriend didn't stay in bloom for all that long and I should have walked away sooner but nevertheless he was an important figure and I will always wish him the very best of everything. Two years ago I was about to welcome in an unexpectedly lovely Christmas but the year to come would be hard and I would struggle to get through it in one piece. One year ago I was in Greece and exceptionally isolated but no doubt delighted that I would be going home soon. I am 100% into the whole idea of home being magical and I love that there are millions of magical places because there are billions of people with millions of home towns and many consider their home to be magical. The result is an enchanted world with adventure and intrigue around every corner.
  This year, I am at a weight I like, I have a family which lights the way for me each day, friends who have stood by me through thick and thin (literally) as well as depressive episodes and times when I've been bordering on alcoholism. I am eternally grateful to have been allowed to become the person I am today and for someone who managed to spend an extraordinarily long time experiencing non stop self loathing my present state of mind is something of a turnaround. As you can see, I have experienced dark days and there was a time when I genuinely thought that I would never be happy so bad was the state of the mechanics of my mind.
  I'm not going on for no reason at all, this ramble does have a point and it is a motivational one. The point is that if you are out there and you feel like there is no way out then you must start knocking a hole through the wall yourself. You are in charge of your life, you are in charge of your mind and those two things are a fact. Don't let depression or other upsets like low self esteem and low self confidence hold you back. Try not to allow shadowed figures from the past the ability to hold onto you and stop you moving into the future with your head held high. Yes, yes I know that depression is there living alongside you and it always will be but the tools for dealing with it are right there in your own head. Find them, use them and live. You don't have to just exist, you can have a vibrant and special life once you understand that the hero you're waiting for to whisk you off into the sunset for a happy every after is you and you'll have to draw the sunset if you ever want to see it for yourself. Heart wrenching, frightening and intimidating but you'll be glad you put up a fight when you're gently surprised to see a healthy and forgiving face looking back at you in the mirror during a Lad's Night Out. Trust me, you're worth it.